Mutual.

Let’s fall apart in each other’s arms. I’ll let my weaknesses show and I’ll crack in the knees. I’ll just tear apart at my seams and unravel to the floor. Don’t worry about the romantics of it all, I only need an hour of your time and a place to light up. Baby, you have the power to take everything I have and leave it in ruin. It’s hard to have everything to myself when I can’t even stand on both legs. What am I to you? Just another hospital trip and a week of sleepless nights. What are you to me? An inspirational story of a downfall and a playlist of sad songs. It’s a constant adrenaline rush and a nonstop thrill of the chase. And we can’t stop now because we’ve already started again…


(Happy New Year!! 2011)

Tell me what you know.

Would you still love me
if I didn't breathe?
As you drag these heavy
mechanical limbs across the
scraping tile floors in hopes
that you can find a cure

Would you still heal me
if it took my life?
This crippling cursed disease
rotting my flesh and soul from the
inside out and tearing me
away from what I once admired

Would you still chase me
if you knew it held inescapable?
Running away as fast as my
dead-weight legs can carry me and
screaming at the top of my lungs in
firm belief that someone will find me

Would you still hold me
if I never deserved it?
Please take your justified right
to flee for your life and retreat
to the ends of the Earth as
far away from me as possible

Would you still love me
if I couldn't love myself?

No Art School. Ever.

You heard me rightly.

So I kind of made the most important decision of my life. I'd been thinking about it for at least a year, but kept swirling it around my head just so I wouldn't rush to conclusions or make up my mind too quickly.

For the last three years, I've wanted to attend art school after I graduated. This will not be happening anymore. Why? I realized I want to be a Psychologist. Like, a clinical psychologist. A therapist, essentially.
I think this will work so much better for me than being an artist ever would. For one, art has a way of stressing me out. A lot of people would say this is ironic. Whatever. I just feel so pressured to work on my art, and if I don't improve, then shame on me, I am a horrible person. It used to be fun, sure, but that was when I was a retarded 14-year-old weeaboo who knew nothing about art other than pseudo-anime drawings with disgusting bodies and proportions. Now it's just "You have to keep up the good work and produce nothing but masterpieces forever." Even if I continue improving with my artwork, I will never be good enough for my own standards. It's just too much pressure. I'll collapse if I keep this up.

So I've done the research and gotten the information. I'll start applying to schools in a matter of days, and I'll put Psychology as my projected major. I realize I'll end up spending 7 years in college (along with all the financial costs of said college X_x), but I strongly believe it will be worth it for me.
Psychology has always fascinated me. Everything from dreams to drugs to Sigmund Freud (Frood). I believe I'll do more good as a therapist than I would as a graphic designer or an animator of some kind. Mental illness is something that I care very strongly about, and as a Psychologist, I would actually be making an effort to help those people who are suffering from them.

I'm truly doing it for the love of Psychology. Yes, I really am so passionate that I would dedicate my life to it.

So, unfortunately for the few who enjoy my art: My days as an artist are coming to an eventual end. I'll probably still do a little bit of art on the side, but I am no longer seeking it as a career option.

Thank you for supporting me. I appreciate every little bit of it.

Together We Can

That's the theme for a new AP Studio project.
I like the idea for this theme. I've proposed a solution or two.

The first idea is "Together we can survive."
This goes along with the idea of fighting mental illness, a subject for which I'm very passionate. I need to draw up some sketches. My idea for this is having two people sit next to each other, holding hands. Each person is scarred, bandaged, and bruised. And the other person is the only thing keeping them alive. The finished drawing would only show the hands and laps of the people sitting.

The second idea is "Together we can fly."
This is a bit more lighthearted than my first idea. Two people are standing together, facing away from the viewer, with their arms entwined, holding hands. Each person has one wing on their back, and seems to be missing the other.

Thinking about composition, I think the first idea would work better. With the second idea, I'm unsure of what I would put in the background in front of the people. I kind of want the back to be just a solid color, to allow the foreground to speak for itself. However, I think this would upset the balance. Or something.

I dunno. I like both ideas. If I don't do one for the assignment, I'll probably do the other just as a personal project.


I love being inspired. ;u; Doesn't happen very often.